Failure is an option: an attempted memoir

Prologue (the preliminary failure before the main failure)

The early failure years (or how I failed to have a name)

How I failed at pretty much everything as a kid (the foundations of failure)

Failed children's books

Failed album covers

The sleepover (and how I failed to have one)

The robbery (and how I failed to stop one)

How I failed to do anything significant with my disease

The teen years (of how I failed hosting a bar mitzvah party)

Shelves (or how I failed to star in a pornographic movie)

The threesome (or how I failed to quantify it)

Failed sexual positions

How I failed to provide a historical example of failure

Dee Har (or how I failed to move to France)

Failed pickup lines

How I failed to study the Holocaust

My failed book list

Getting high (and how I failed at being gay-bashed)

Failed weed-strain reviews

How I failed to sell a pilot

Prince Edward Island (and how I failed to take a walk in the woods)

How I failed as a new father

How I failed at providing some historical perspective on failure redux

How I failed at "the celebrity favor"

Failed presidential pets

Buying a motorcycle (and how I failed to ride it)

Midnight Pajama Jam (or how I failed at launching a kids' show)

Failed business ideas

How I failed to have a Chinese dinner while visiting my parents in Arizona

The flood: a waste of waters ruthlessly (or how I failed my rental car)

How I failed at differentiating my two characters of Bob and Archer

Epilogue: my failure is an option.